I have always had an extreme dislike for any form of organized religion. The second any thought starts to get organized by a group, it becomes corrupt, and disillusionment takes over. This leads to prejudice and persecution.
What bothers me further, is when people try to bring their beliefs into politics. There is no place for faith or religion in the day to day organization of life among the general population. What group A believes to be socially acceptable, group B may find morally reprehensible. That doesn’t give group B the right to tell group A they can’t do it. Why is it, that whenever you make a statement regarding your personal beliefs, people feel the need to bring the Bible into it? “Facts are facts,” they say. Now, I don’t doubt the existence or life of Jesus of Nazareth. What I do doubt is the authenticity of those who claim to be his follower. If a high school gymnasium represented all the knowledge and facts that existed about Christ, the Bible would only be about the size of a marble, yet that is what “christians” focus on. Very few acknowledge the existence of any other “facts” about their demigod.
If you want to go to “church” every Sunday because that’s what you think your god wants you to do, while defiling their teachings the rest of the time, then peace be with you, my friend. But, don’t tell me that I have to be like you. I DON’T!!!!!! I don’t have to do anything but live my life being the best me I can be, for anyone but myself, down any path other than the one I choose for myself.
I was born into a “christian” family and raised in my early life as Roman Catholic. My father is so Catholic that when my parents got divorced, it was in the divorce decree that I be raised Catholic. It really shook his world when I left “The Church” in tenth grade and started attending the Episcopal church my mother went to. I know what you’re thinking; not a very big change, essentially all you did is give up the guilt and obligation.
I knew two very fundamental things from the time I could form my own thoughts:
1) There was more to the Universe than what the “Church” was teaching.
2) I was NOT the boy everyone kept calling me and treating me like.
In the summer before my last year in high school, I addressed the first issue by attending every church, synagogue, mosque, temple and commune (etc.) I could find. I drove as far as Maine and Upstate New York from my hometown of Athol, Massachusetts. It took me most of the summer to come to the realization that no organized form of religion would ever satisfy ME. I started spending more time in the woods. There are plenty of places to get lost in the woods in New England.
I was always a solitary person for the most part, and found solace in the woods, and with a few friends I had from time to time, and with my band mates who I was spending more and more time with over the last few years as I tried to lose myself in music. My time making music is some of the very few peaceful memories I have from my youth. I’m glad I have them. But, I was already very disturbed by the other issue I mentioned earlier, the fact that no matter how others saw me, no matter what the world treated me as, I was not a boy. Never was.
So, there I was, a person who desperately needed to discover two separate things about myself that were beyond my ability to discover in the area I grew up in and with the resources at my disposal. I was pretty much fucked. How was I, at the age of 17, in a fairly rural town in 1980’s Massachusetts, supposed to learn about Witchcraft and Transgender issues with no reference point or guidance?
I pushed everything as deep into the recesses of my soul as I possibly could and tried to live what was considered, in my little corner of the Universe, a “normal christian life”. I married, started a family a walked the same path as many others. I was young. I was stupid. I was naive.
I actually started to care if I lived or died when my daughter was born. How can you look into the eyes of your child and not sense a greater need? This little person depended on me for her survival. The subsequent birth of my sons only solidified the need to survive and care for them. (I wasn’t always there for them.)
Things started to change shortly after I moved my family to South Florida. Events happened that ripped my heart and soul from my being and I slipped into a deep dark pit of despair. For a little over three years I was less than stable. I stayed away from my kids because I was determined not to let them see me like that. I didn’t want to hurt them. I probably came pretty close to losing them forever. I won’t assign blame. There’s enough to go around.
After this, I partied, I was promiscuous, I got all the craziness out of my system. Then,eventually got back in the right place with my kids and met someone new. Well, she wanted to get married and I felt there were “things” she needed to know about me before vows were exchanged.
Here I was in my mid 30’s when we met, still very much confused about who I was. I didn’t know the terminology and had never even heard the term transgender before. I was still no closer at 45. I told my wife-to-be everything I could about myself. Then my kids. Then others in my family. Things snowballed and the next thing I know, I’m an out and proud transgender woman. Support from family and friends was unbelievably strong and I was a happy girl. Finally!!!!
Then it all started. I was a freak. I was possessed. Don’t use this restroom. All these good, kind-hearted, wholesome, God fearing “Christians” were telling me I was going to Hell because I wasn’t like them. Well, Hell is a Christian concept. All mythology has an afterlife were all people go when they die, but Hell…… Until Dante, Hell was described as the absence of God. A place where a fallen angel presides. It was a work of fiction that gave us a ‘Satan” with a goats head and cloved hooves for feet who was red with a pointed tail and carried a pitchfork and presided over a lake of fire where the souls of the damned were doomed to burn for all eternity. Now, that’s what every Christian believes.
How could I subscribe to a religion that believed stories as fact and disregards fact for fiction? I can’t. As I stated earlier in this missive, I always knew there was more to the Universe than what the church taught. It was time to dig deeper and learn what I could. Religion is NOT for me. It never really was. Witchcraft is my path. It always has been, I just didn’t call it what it was. I do, now.
I AM A SOLITARY ECLECTIC WITCH! I walk the old path and try my best to learn all the old ways from the days before the corruption of what the world calls Christianity.
Let that soak in for a moment. Really, REALLY soak in. I’m not sorry if this bothers you or it makes you uncomfortable. People like you have been persecuting people like me for millennia. Get the fuck over yourselves. We are still here and there is not one damn thing you can do about it.
People try to wrap the world up in black or white. There is no black and white in the world. Only different shades of gray.
Peace, Love, Harmony and Blessings to you ALL.
Catherine Marie Boudreau
AKA Catie; aka Cat
*****Disclaimer: I grew up believing in God and Jesus Christ. I prayed every day and had those prayers answered far too often for me not to believe. I just believe differently than you. All prayer is, is casting a spell. Power comes from within as well as throughout the Universe. All gods are one God. All goddesses one Goddess. Together they are the Devine.